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  Inviato da: Lucidly Dreaming  Mostra tutti i messaggi di Lucidly Dreaming
Titolo: To Kill a Computer – Not Strictl y PC
Newsgroup: alt.creative.writing, alt.humor, it-alt.media.internet.blog, misc.writing, misc.writing.screenplays
Data: 03/08/2010
Ora: 18:54:41
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  Is your computer getting on your nerves? Been together a bit too long? Do <br /> you want me to *ahem*, get rid of it for you?<br /> <br /> I used to share a house with a bunch of friends. One of my friends, let&rsquo;s <br /> call her Tate, had a computer she was a bit fed up of. She had her eyes on a <br /> lovely new laptop. She also had insurance.<br /> <br /> One night, the devious Tate hatched a plan. She informed her insurance <br /> company that her computer had suffered an accident and that it was beyond <br /> repair. Her insurance company told her they would send out an engineer the <br /> following morning to check it. There was a slight flaw in Tate&rsquo;s plan, <br /> although true, her computer was a bit rubbish, it wasn&rsquo;t technically broken.<br /> <br /> Tate was working away at the time, so she gave me a ring. &ldquo;He&rsquo;s coming in <br /> the morning &ndash; I can&rsquo;t get back&hellip;. you&rsquo;ve gotta destroy it&hellip; you must!&rdquo; &ndash; a <br /> frantic Tate screamed.<br /> After a couple of minutes, I managed to decipher what Tate was asking me to <br /> do. Having put the phone down, I turned to our other housemate Alan, and <br /> explained Tate&rsquo;s plan to skank the insurance company into giving her a new <br /> sleek laptop.<br /> <br /> I couldn&rsquo;t physically bring myself to destroy a computer. My dad used to <br /> repair televisions, so I have been brought up with the ethos of &lsquo;fix not <br /> break&rsquo;. That&rsquo;s not to say that I ain&rsquo;t broke a hell of a lot of stuff while <br /> trying to fix them! Alan, who seemed to value computers as much as toasters, <br /> instantly offered to do the deed.<br /> <br /> A quick brainstorming session was held in our lounge to decide the way in <br /> which Tate&rsquo;s computer would meet it&rsquo;s maker &ndash; the late, great, Hewlett <br /> Packard.<br /> <br /> The results were in. Death by wall.<br /> <br /> Alan ceremoniously held the computer above his head as we walked down the <br /> stairs. We were strangely excited. We knew it was wrong, maybe that&rsquo;s what <br /> added to the excitement. That and getting caught by the neighbours throwing <br /> a computer against the wall of our house at 11:38pm.<br /> <br /> We made our way outside to the back of our house. My morals were also being <br /> metaphorically thrown against the wall. Alan stood facing the wall, arms <br /> aloft, the computer glistening in the moonlight.<br /> &ldquo;Do it! Now Alan, NOW!!&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Just as he was gonna throw it, a lad came out from the kitchen of the <br /> restaurant next door. Alan froze. The lad was taking rubbish out to the <br /> bins. As the lad was going back in, he looked over at us, smiled, then went <br /> back inside.<br /> <br /> There was an almighty bang as Alan hurled the computer against the wall. We <br /> quickily picked it back up and ran inside, hysterically giggling like a <br /> couple of schoolgirls. Tate&rsquo;s computer was rattling as we ran back upstairs. <br /> We took it into the kitchen and plugged it in, just to make sure.<br /> <br /> &lsquo;Windows was not properly shut down&rsquo;<br /> <br /> We had just thrown it against a brick wall and it&rsquo;s only problem was an <br /> incorrect shut down? Damn this computer was tough.<br /> <br /> Another trip outside and another huge bang followed. This time, the case was <br /> hanging off, wires had snapped and there was even a dirty big crack all the <br /> way down the centre of the motherboard. Upon reconnection &ndash; nothing. This <br /> computer is no more. It is a dead computer.<br /> <br /> The next day, I had gone to work. My job entailed getting up extremely <br /> early, so when I finished I would usually have a bit of a siesta. When I <br /> went home, the engineer the insurance company had sent was in our kitchen <br /> looking at the dead computer. I left him to it and went for a lie down. <br /> After about an hour, I was woken by banging noises coming from the kitchen. <br /> I got up and went to investigate. The engineer guy was hitting the case of <br /> the computer with a hammer.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Is everything ok?&rdquo; &ndash; I asked, thinking he was taking out his frustration on <br /> Tate&rsquo;s late computer.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Yes&rdquo; &ndash; he replied, &ldquo;Almost done&rdquo;.<br /> <br /> Almost done? The guy had only gone and fixed it and was now doing a bit of <br /> panel beating on the newly resuscitated computer. He explained how a lot of <br /> the other engineers the insurance companies send out, would have just wrote <br /> it off straight away without even looking at it. He said he had done his <br /> best to fix it for us &ndash; like he had done us a huge favour!<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Tate will be pleased&rdquo; &ndash; I told him, &ldquo;I must give her a ring&rdquo;.<br /> <br /> I rang Tate. &ldquo;Great news Tate&rdquo; &ndash; I said.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Oh, has he brought me a new laptop?&rdquo; &ndash; asked an excited Tate.<br /> &ldquo;Err&hellip;&hellip; He&rsquo;s managed to fix it&rdquo;<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Fix it? What the f*@#&hellip;&rdquo;, she continued to scream.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Yeah, I know. I told the man you would be pleased&rdquo; &ndash; I said glancing over <br /> at the man.<br /> <br /> I thanked the man, telling him of how pleased Tate sounded on the phone.<br /> <br /> What a disastrous outcome. Not only had Tate ended up with the same <br /> computer, but it now had a battered looking case and she had lost her no <br /> claims bonus. Needless to say, she didn&rsquo;t ask us for any other favours.<br /> <br /> **************************************************************<br /> Read more on my blog - Somewhere near Wherever<br /> http://somewherenearwherever.co.cc<br /> <br /> Follow me on twitter: lucidlydreaming<br /> ************************************************************** <br /> <br /> <br /> --- news://freenews.netfront.net/ - complaints: news@netfront.net ---  

Il thread:
da leggere Lucidly Dreaming 03/08 18:54
To Kill a Computer – Not Strictl y PC
   da leggere Bill Penrose 03/08 20:28
Re: To Kill a Computer Not Strictly PC
      da leggere Koolchicki@smurfsareus.xxx 04/08 01:29
Re: To Kill a Computer Not Strictly PC
      da leggere Jared 06/08 06:40
Re: To Kill a Computer Not Strictly PC
         da leggere Koolchicki@smurfsareus.xxx 06/08 15:04
Re: To Kill a Computer Not Strictly PC
 

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