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  Inviato da: Lucidly Dreaming  Mostra tutti i messaggi di Lucidly Dreaming
Titolo: I asked a psychopathic axe murderer if he had a knife - and he did!
Newsgroup: alt.humor, it-alt.media.internet.blog, misc.writing, misc.writing.screenplays
Data: 01/08/2010
Ora: 22:55:54
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  A few years ago, I drove up to the Lake District to see friends. One of my <br /> friends was going out with a girl from my town, Helen, so I took her with <br /> me. Helen was pregnant, although at the time she didn't know. We visited our <br /> friends, and after a couple of days, we were heading home.<br /> It was very late. We were driving down a secluded road, seemingly miles from <br /> civilization. I had noticed the fuel gauge was low for quite some time. I <br /> didn't think to mention it to Helen, as I figured it was unnecessary for <br /> both of us to worry. As we drove, I was constantly looking out for a petrol <br /> station, or at least some signs of life. Neither materialized. I felt the <br /> car starting to chugg. &quot;We've run out of petrol!&quot; I exclaimed. Helen, who <br /> was blissfully unaware of our predicament, said we had better keep an eye <br /> out for a petrol station before we run out. I informed her that I had been <br /> 'keeping an eye out' for the last 20 minutes and that now we were completely <br /> out.<br /> The engine stopped.<br /> I automatically depressed the clutch (I have broken down many times before) <br /> and we freewheeled down the hill. I noticed a turning at the bottom of the <br /> hill, so I turned into it.<br /> This road was very dark, no street lights around here. Our momentum took us <br /> far enough to find a patch of grass by the side of the road, where we <br /> stopped.<br /> We sat in silence for a few seconds.<br /> &quot;What are we gonna do?&quot; Helen asked.<br /> I suggested she wait in the car while I would set out to try and find a <br /> petrol station. She didn't fancy staying in the car alone, so she decided to <br /> come with me. Luckily there was a torch and a petrol can in my car.<br /> We set off up the road. There was a junction up ahead. Helen suggested we <br /> turn left, but I had a strange feeling we should go right. We followed my <br /> instincts and turned right. We must have been walking for around half an <br /> hour, when we noticed some lights at the top of the hill. Our pace quickened <br /> as we neared our goal.<br /> Soon, we were walking through a small village. We could see a petrol station <br /> sign up ahead. We started to laugh, the relief of finding petrol must have <br /> released some endorphines into our brains. Suddenly, our joy turned to <br /> horror. The petrol station was shut!<br /> We were in a bit of a daze. A car drove towards us, so I flagged it down. It <br /> was a taxi. We asked the lady driver where the nearest open petrol station <br /> was. She told us she would take us there for free, as we only had enough <br /> money for petrol. The endorphines kicked in again.<br /> We began to relax, knowing we would soon have petrol. I would go so far as <br /> to say we were enjoying the taxi ride. I smiled at Helen and she managed to <br /> smile back. After around 10 minutes we drove past our car. I gave Helen a <br /> sheepish look and sunk into my seat a little.<br /> We rounded a bend in the road and were greeted by the bright lights of a <br /> 24hr garage. Only a ten minute walk from our car. Me and my instincts.<br /> We thanked our driver and away she drove. Helen began to fill the petrol can <br /> and I went inside to pay. As I waited to pay, a man walked in. I got talking <br /> to him and he said he had seen our car by the road and offered to drive us <br /> back. I accepted.<br /> I paid for the petrol and walked outside to Helen. She said we should hurry <br /> as a strange man had been watching her while she filled the can. I told her <br /> everything would be alright as we had got ourselves a lift.<br /> The man drove up beside us. &quot;You ready then?&quot; - he asked. &quot;Sure thing&quot; - I <br /> replied.<br /> As I got in his car, a pale looking Helen whispered, &quot;That's the man&quot;. I <br /> gave her a shake of my head and she reluctantly joined me.<br /> Our driver was a bearded guy in his fifties. He didn't really speak to us <br /> during our short journey. I was however, receiving a constant barrage of <br /> whispers from Helen. &quot;I don't trust him&quot; and &quot;He's gonna kill us&quot; were the <br /> main themes of Helen's chatter.<br /> The guy pulled over by the side of the road and parked in front of our car. <br /> A relieved Helen frantically scrambled out of the car. I thanked the guy and <br /> also got out of his car. Realizing I had no funnel to pour the petrol in, I <br /> opened the boot and began to search. Helen joined me by the boot and <br /> informed me that the 'axe murdering psychopath' hadn't moved and that he was <br /> still parked in front of our car. I brushed her concerns off and continued <br /> looking in the boot for some kind of funnel. I managed to find an empty <br /> plastic pop bottle. This would do the job. I needed to cut it in half <br /> though, but didn't have anything to cut it with.<br /> A gobsmacked Helen looked on in disbelief as I walked over to the psychopath <br /> and asked him if he had a knife.<br /> He did have a knife and he cut the bottle in half for me. I returned to our <br /> car and began filling the petrol. The guy was still there and to quell Helen's <br /> worries, I said he was probably just staying there as his headlights were <br /> enabling us to see what we were doing.<br /> After filling up the car, we got in and I started the engine. Just as we <br /> were setting off, the psychopath pulled up alongside and suggested we follow <br /> him to another petrol station that was on our way, as the amount we had <br /> would not get us home.<br /> We rejoined the original road we were on before the breakdown. It was around <br /> 2am and the only cars about were ours, and the psychopathic axe murderers in <br /> front.<br /> Helen continued to voice her concerns as we followed his car. &quot;Don't follow <br /> him when he turns off, just keep driving!&quot; - she said.<br /> The man began to indicate. We could see him inside his car pointing for us <br /> to follow him. I switched my indicator on. A road veered off up ahead. As <br /> the guy in front began to veer off onto the new road, we too began to veer. <br /> Then, at the last minute when the guy had joined the new road, we switched <br /> lanes and stayed on the original road.<br /> We began to nervously laugh as we made what seemed to be our desperate <br /> escape from a certain 'locked in a makeshift dungeon in this guys cellar' <br /> type scenario.<br /> Needless to say, we survived our journey and lived to tell the tale.<br /> Just another one of my many amusing car breakdown incidents - and I do mean <br /> many!<br /> <br /> *********************************************<br /> Read more on my blog: Somewhere near Wherever<br /> http://somewherenearwherever.co.cc<br /> *********************************************<br /> <br /> --Lucidly Dreaming<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> --- news://freenews.netfront.net/ - complaints: news@netfront.net ---  

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